i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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