Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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