i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In other news, I just burned my penis
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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