I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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