She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
