After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
