Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
