i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
