12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
