Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
