We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
