at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
