the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
