Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
