god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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