I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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