so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
