Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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