saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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