my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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