I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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