i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
