It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
