I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover