i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
