Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
