so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
