Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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