How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
