Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
