He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
