dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
