I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fuck appropriateness.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize