I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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