Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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