From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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