I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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