Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
