I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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