i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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