Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
