We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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