Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
