3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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