I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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