I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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