Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
