Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
