I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
