Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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