That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
