My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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