I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What a dumb baby whore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
