I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
