I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
