while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You ruined the universe
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
