I met the friendliest cop last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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