Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
