Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
