You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
