Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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