Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
