did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
