so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
someone owes me an orgasm
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
