i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
