Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
