found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
where are my eyebrows?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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