i jhust puked up my retainher.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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