that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
then he tried to convert me to islam
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
