My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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