I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
