i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
