Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
